Questions only dumb people would ask * How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign? * How do you get the "Keep off the Grass" sign on the grass? * How do you get off a non-stop flight? * How do you know when you've run out of invisible ink? * How do you throw away a garbage can? * How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings? * How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? * If a jogger runs at the speed of sound, can he still hear his Walkman? * If a pig is sold to the pawn shop, is it considered a ham-hock? * If a turtle lost his shell, is he homeless,naked, or both? * If blind people wear dark glasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs? * If corn oil is made from corn, where do we get baby oil from? * If I save time, when do I get it back? * If rabbits' feet are so lucky, then what happened to the rabbit? * If Superman is so smart why does he wear his underpants over his trousers? * If swimming is good for your shape, then why do the whales look like the way they do? * If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2? * If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex? * If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi? * If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry? * If you can't drink and drive, why do bars have parking lots? * If you jog backwards, will you gain weight? * If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back? * If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented? * If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? * Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny? * Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Asians throw hamburgers? * Was the pole vault accidentally discovered by a clumsy javelin thrower? * What do people in China call their good plates? * What do you call a bedroom with no bed in it? * What do you call a male ladybug? * What do you say if you're talking to God, and he sneezes? * What happens to an 18 hour bra after 18 hours? * What if you're in hell, and you're mad at someone, where do you tell them to go? * What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free? * What makes cheese so confidential that we actually need cheese shredders? * When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say? * When cows laugh, does milk come out of their noses? * When they first invented the clock, how did they know what time it was to set it to? * Where are the germs that cause "good" breath? * Where do they get Spring water in the other 3 seasons? * Why are all blackboards called that when some of them are green? * Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "asteroids"? * Why are they called "stands" when they're made for sitting? * Why aren't there ever any guilty bystanders? * Why do ballet dancers dance on their toes? Why doesn't the company just hire taller dancers? * Why do people tell you when they are speechless? * Why do they give you a tape with a VCR to tell you how to use it? * Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM? * Why do we need training bras? What can we teach them? * Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack? * Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game," when we are already there? * Why do your feet smell and your nose runs? * Why do you need an appointment to see a psychic... shouldn't they already know you're coming? * Why does it take 15 minutes to cook minute rice? * Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle? * Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? * Why don't they just use fattest man in the world for a hockey goalie? * Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"? * Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car not called a racist? * Why is it called a "building" when it is already built? * Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin? * Why is it that bullets ricochet off of Superman's chest, but he ducks when the gun is thrown at him? * Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons? * If your scared half to death twice, what happens?